Spare a thought

30 June , 2010. Denise Ferguson

Last night as we rounded off our Vinyasa practice, we sat with our hands in Anjali Mudra (a symbol of offering) and offered our thoughts to those less fortunate than us. We breathed for the abused children, we felt for the forgotten elderly and we had hope for those whose freedom is not a given right at birth. After yoga, I got home and on the telly was a documentary about Indian women born into poverty and sold into brothels. The conditions were squalid, the women looked unhealthy and they had illegitimate children who had no rights. They were beginning to introduce condoms into the brothel and the men could choose to use them or not. The women were free to leave, but for what?

Occasionally I get stressed over whether or not I can meet the next goal I set myself, or if I don’t have time to get to a yoga class, or that I have to cut poo out of the cat's back legs because she is so damn fluffy. The cat which I moan about, cost me 20 times more than what these women were sold for as children.  I hummm and haaaaa over whether to work at a job which I love, or to shop, eat or hang out with friends. The things I don't like to do, I pay someone else to do.  I felt humbled (and slightly pathetic) after watching these women with so much wisdom and sadness in their eyes, who on a daily basis give themselves to men who don’t care. They do this simply to survive. They held illegitimate children who would be bought up in the brothel. They had no rights and were unable to discover their own passions, truths or talents.

Poverty isn't only in India, it is in New Zealand so don't forget about our neighbours and friends at home.  We do however live in a country where we are free to be whoever we were born to be, but often end up on the waterwheel of life, cooking dinner, feeding the kids, and working to own a home or increase our investment portfolio. If we're lucky we occasioanlly get on a plane and take a ten day holiday where someone else cooks and cleans for us.  If you practice yoga, it is likely you are looking for something else and I urge you to discover whatever it is that makes you feel alive.  When you find the things that warm your heart, think of the women and the children in the brothels of India and send a thought of hope.

Strings Attached?

15 June , 2010. Denise Ferguson

Sometimes I get the feeling that kindness is used as currency too much these days. I sense this happening and find myself squirming when I receive a favour, wondering what will be expected in return. Whilst there is no doubt that it is gracious and quite necessary to return good deeds done for me with a good deed of my own, I do not believe it is gracious for the giver to expect the favour be returned under their watchful eye, or even (necessarily) to them.

Suggesting how a friend can return a favour is often how we ensure they do not feel indebted to us, but perhaps we could give more, simply for the sake of giving. I’m not saying that we don’t do this, I’m saying that sometimes we keep tabs when our kindness is not returned the next time we need a favour ourselves. It may be frustrating, but does doing a favour give us the right to expect when and how our favour is returned? Is it right to judge others when they do not return the favour in the exact way that we expected? There have been times I have sensed someone is helping me simply to get something in return, or to use as leverage to get me to do something that they want me to do in the future. In this case I am less likely to bounce the favour back, in an effort to preserve my own free will. Other times when people are so kind to me, I feel rushed to express my gratitude in a more tangible way, when in hindsight I suspect simply showing my gratitude would be enough to warm their heart.

Yes! Weed out the freeloaders and don’t be a doormat, but make sure you are not inadvertently attaching strings to your kindness. Wait a while before you judge another for being a taker not a giver. Who knows whether they will pass it forward or bounce it back, rest assured it is not for you to decide. The real joy is in the act of giving itself.

A Drop in the Ocean

6 June , 2010. Denise Ferguson

A loved one is off to Afghanistan in three weeks' time. He owns half of my home. Whilst having a chat on the phone yesterday, he mentioned updating his weapons training before heading off to the Middle East. I asked why he needed weapons training when he isn’t a soldier. He said that in war zones, they all have rifles on them and because he will be at NATO Headquarters, a pistol as well. With tongue firmly in cheek, he said, ‘You do know Afghanistan is a war zone, don’t you?’ Hmmm, that sounds dodgy.

‘How do you carry two guns around?’ I asked,

'One on my belt, and one in a holster on my body’, he replied.

‘Do you have bullets?’,

‘No, we just have empty guns. Of course we have bullets’.  Intrigued, I pressed on.

‘Are they across your chest like Rambo?’,

‘No Denise, they are not’.  Damn it. That would’ve been cool.

My feet did hit the ground with a bit of a ‘thunk’ however as I realised that someone close to me is going into dangerous territory and that it isn’t just a good career move, rather it is very serious. After the phone call I sat down, a little disheartened and thought about the fact that there was a tiny chance he may not come back.

Oh no. Who’ll renovate the kitchen.

Kidding!! I thought that way later.

I did however, have a think about how the things he was been exposed to in Iraq and now soon to be Afghanistan, give him a much less positive view of the world. I waft around in bare feet harping on about how great things are if we just breathe but I am aware that not all is good in our world. War confuses me and I feel there are few solutions. I feel helpless. All I can do is start with me. In my life, I seek peace. Right now, I am at peace within, and in my relationships I am at peace without. I shall bring up my children to find their own peace within, and teach them that controlling others is not the answer. I shall let my actions influence others that fighting and controlling is not the answer and hope that my small drop in the ocean will slowly spread. This is the only contribution I believe I can make to world peace.  Meanwhile, I wish my loved one, ‘Big C’ bon voyage. I’ll see you soon.