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 A Dignified Response 28 May , 2010. Denise Ferguson It was a summer evening in an Auckland Viaduct bar. I was out with a group of friends (for blog followers, ‘Jack’ was there, as was ’J-Lo Booty’ and friend who thinks I ‘Dance Like a White Girl’. Whilst ‘Dance Like a White Girl’ who is of South African and Indian descent, and I were making our way through the crowds back to the table, a tall immaculately presented woman sidled up to us, touched my arm and gushed patronisingly about how ‘beautiful’ I was. I smiled and began to say ‘thank you’. As I did, she said, quite hatefully ‘what are you doing with him’. She then turned to my friend and said ‘you should thank Buddha’. My smile froze. I was literally shocked. Speechless and unbelievably insulted, we walked away. This was my first (and hopefully last) experience with racism and three years later, I occasionally think of that woman with distaste. If I hadn’t been so shocked I probably would have come back with a nasty comment myself however I am glad she had rendered me speechless. I now realise that our indifference to her ugliness was the best defence we had. My friend has achieved more in his years than many people his age and is successful, intelligent and educated. He is a respected family-man and businessman who co-owns a company which substantially contributes to our economy. He is also a talented and popular schmoozer loved by all. I am sure he is higher on her perceived social hierarchy than she realised. He is to be admired, not treated with disdain. Oh and by the way, he’s Christian not Buddhist. Whilst the woman’s reference to Buddha was a play on my friend’s race, the statement came across as ignorant, not clever. A few things I know were reinforced that night: 1. It doesn’t matter what you look
like, it only takes one ugly sentence to fall from grace; Nips & Tucks 21 May , 2010. Denise Ferguson I’ve seen several documentaries lately
regarding the pressure in today’s society of looking good and preserving
or improving our looks by any means possible. I certainly do not feel
immune to the pressure to look my best. I also believe that we are
all role models for everyone we come in contact with and that we are
getting it wrong when we strive for physical perfection. Where does
taking effort to look good end and being vain begin? It is a double edged sword. I feel
responsible (as any woman should) to promote being my best self without
the aid of lasers, injections and (god forbid) going under the knife,
but I also feel the competitive pressure to maintain my looks and health
simply to stay in the game. Almost any woman in the public eye who
I may admire has probably had some sort of beauty enhancement. Whether
it is a spray tan or some sort of diet or fitness regime to stay slim,
it can make us feel torn between accepting ourselves as we are, and
striving to reach the ever-increasing high standards. Book in for a
facial and you’re reading the latest on wrinkle reduction or cutting
edge light therapy (or whatever the heck it is). If I think it’s okay
to have them put alpha-hydroxy acid on my face now, perhaps next I’ll
let them stick a needle in it? So should we just accept that the acid
peels and Botox injections available today are simply the waxing of
the legs or the blow drying of the hair of yesteryear? Or should we
wonder where our grooming is leading us? I’ll tell you one thing; I used to say that as I aged I wouldn't say no to going under the knife. These days if given the option I would decline. Instead, I choose a lifestyle that makes me look the best I can with what I was born with. Sigh, sooo 1999. The more respect I gain for my body, the more I love it just the way it is and the less I want someone to mess around with it. I'm being brave now, but hey I'm still young. I hope I can stand strong as gravity hits. I believe in the old-fashioned adage of accentuating what you love about yourself, improve things if you want but accept that you can't change everything. Everyone has something that they don’t like and it takes more courage and strength to accept yoursef as you are than it does to change yourself to fit into a continuously tightening mould. Remember when apples had worm holes in them? Remember when carrots had bumps? They looked funny but they sure as heck tasted better than the ones we buy today. When you show your devotion to what your Ma and Pa gave you, I guarantee you will be admired more for that, than your tanned skin, skinny thighs or bulging biceps. There will come a time when I lose my youthful body so I better have something else to fall back on and whilst I do take care of my appearance, I also stick two fingers up at impossible standards and say this is me. Like it or take a hike. The only way to be 6 May , 2010. Denise Ferguson A friend needed me Monday night so,
after class I ran downstairs to Paper
Moon for tapas, pizza and a chat. It seemed his girl problems were
dire enough that I was going to have to resort to some serious funny-ness
to cheer him up. My most famous funny stories often involve me being
in terribly embarrassing situations or making enlightening mistakes.
I pulled one out of my funny-bag and told him about an embarrassing
faux pas I made last week, whilst I was teaching a class of about 25
yogis and yoginis. There is a certain pose which always reminds me
of the TV show from the 80’s, Fame. As they all arc’d themselves into
the ‘fame-like’ backbend, I broke out into song and starting singing
the theme to the show, ‘Fame... I’m gonna liiiive forever. I’m gonna
learn how to fly... high!'. No-one laughed. Not even a polite giggle.
Perhaps it was my singing voice? Perhaps they were blissed out. ‘Tough
crowd’, I said. Nothing. The embarrassing experience wasn’t all in
vain because when I told my friend, he laughed hysterically at my expense.
Glad to be of service. Our conversation drifted to my friend
Jack wearing his heart on his sleeve and showing exactly who he is
to the world, the good, the bad and the ugly. We discussed how not
everyone does that and wondered if it is really worth it. Some put
their best foot forward and show their shiny side, whilst leaving the
rest under wraps. We all make mistakes, some are embarrassing and to
be forgotten for sure. Sometimes it is not wise to blurt out all the
silly things you do. Sometimes, hiding behind a veil of perfection
can make the ugliness inside of you stronger. I believe it is a continuum
of balance. Show too many of your mistakes and idiosyncrasies and you
run the risk of being judged or losing respect. Only show your good
side and you could find yourself in a lonely relationship with you
and your mistakes. Yoga is about truth. Live your truth,
express your truth and accept your truth. The likes of Jack and I express
our good, our bad and our terribly funny because it feels good to get
it out. Oftentimes it gives validation that it’s not so bad after all.
I learn to be indifferent to judgements of my truths, idiosyncrasies
and mistakes and when I put them out there, they usually dissolve in
the light of understanding. Jack came to the conclusion that what one
woman doesn’t like about him, another will love and he can only be
himself. It’s really the only way to be isn’t it? |
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