The taste of gratitude

20 November , 2009. Denise Ferguson

I love great food. I love eating in fancy restaurants with impeccable service, and I love eating 1am burgers in downtown Auckland cooked by hard working / working class Kiwis. Cooking has never been my forte’ however and I have always preferred being cooked for.  Lately however, I’ve been increasing my recipe repertoire. I have had some successes, some near misses and several disasters. Friends came over for dinner the other night and I burned everything except the salmon which had to be re-heated in the microwave.  As I blamed it on the dubious state of the stove, the pitied look in their eyes was excruciating. Last night I baked something with gratitude. It was time consuming so as I prepared, I thought about how much I appreciated the person i was baking for, how much fondness I had for them and how much I hoped they enjoyed my gift.   I love receiving gifts, and I love to give so I moved slowly, diligently and mindfully in the preparation of this gift. My masterpiece has not been broken into yet, but when it is I am certain this time it’ll be a success.

Coming back to Earth

16 November , 2009. Denise Ferguson

I’ve been feeling out of sorts lately; disorganised and unable to complete tasks. I am stuck in lofty dreams and my head is full of fantasies, so it is time for me to engage my logical and practical self again. My imagination was alive and well from an early age and I still remember the first story I wrote in primary school. I immersed myself in writings of fairies, goblins and people who could fly. My two best friends and I used to ride imaginary horses which we plucked out of the clouds and I used to think that if I wished hard enough, I could create an identical twin sister for myself. After a horrifying lesson on the birds and the bees, which crushed my dreams of ever having an identical twin, I discovered my logical and practical side. Thankfully, sums and science are soothing for me and this pulls me back into reality. Filing, answering emails, data entry, and doing housework all serve me when my head is in the clouds. I’m a hippy at heart, I mean come on I live a life of yoga..... Occasionally just rising from Chaturanga Dandasana into Urdva Mukha Savasana, or feeling the burn as I breathe through Warrior III is enough to bring me back into reality. Today the tie-died hippy skirt comes off, and the white button-down shirt comes on. I’m returning to this world of shape and form through some good old fashioned chores. Next task, I’m taking the rubbish to the dump. 

Who are we?

9 November , 2009. Denise Ferguson

I got told (with love) yesterday that I do not show my strength and do not portray my power. The opinion was that not everyone gets my humour and though I am quirky it can be misunderstood that i am a ditz. Ouch. Funny thing was that while I was trying to absorb the notion that apparently I am quirky, I immediately had to take the blow that it is making me come across as a ditz. Double ouch. Today, newly pacified, I am practicing a facet of Yoga called Niyama, or Personal Observances. The fourth law of which is Svadhyaya or ‘self study’. Today I am evaluating how I express myself to the world. I am wondering how the world see’s me. I recognise that I will never be liked by all and will be misunderstood by many. Some know me, some think they know me and some are getting to know me better. Perhaps I can’t do much about my quirkiness, so I may have to suck that one up, but I am however going to attempt to keep my ditziness in check.